Wisdom From Books

3 ways to handle frustration!

Posted on: December 1, 2010

At times we are frustrated when things don’t go our way. At times when people around us don’t behave in the way we wanted them to behave.At times when desired results are not achieved, we are frustrated!

Now the question: How can we handle our frustration, particularly when people don’t perform in the way we have expected them to perform.

Below, I am sharing experience from practical life. You are more than welcome to share your thoughts on this blog:

1. When all else fails……

It is said that: When all fails, lower your expectations!

Why frustration?

Because we expect certain person to behave in certain way or we expect a situation to turn in certain way. When that thing does not happen in that particular way, we are not happy.

So, why not lower our expectations? Think over this. Don’t expect perfection from any one. If we expect that people are not rational, kind or considerate and when they perform good deeds or do acts of kindness, we will be happy as we have not expected them to perform well….. Interesting isn’t it?

2. Try to understand things from other people’s perspective

This is easier said than done.

Question: How can we understand other people?

Answer: When we put them in their shoes.

What if we go to an eye doctor and we know that we are going to get eye glasses and the doctor gives us his own glasses to wear. The doctor says: I don’t know which type of glasses you need but I am wearing these from last twenty years and they must be helpful to you. So, use them.

I am sure doctor’s glasses won’t work for you or me or any one of us. Doctor has to understand the issue first from our perspective before suggesting any remedy. Therefore, if we understand other people, we might not be extra frustrated.

3. Start some physical work / exercise / game

It happened when one of our senior colleague in  accountancy exam was unable to pass for sixth time. You can’t image his frustration!

So, another senior who was taking attempt for tenth time told him: Take a squash ball and write ‘examination board’ on it and start playing squash. Hit the ball several time and let your anger out.

Third method: start playing some game or do exercise or jog. This helps!

Your thoughts?

15 Responses to "3 ways to handle frustration!"

[…] Perspective—choosing how you see your life: “For meditation to be effective it doesn’t really matter how you view your life. But it can be useful to acknowledge the general theme, because that way you can be more alert to the tendency to slip into negative patterns of thought”. Its not what’s happening outside of ourselves that causes us the most difficulty, but rather what’s going on inside our own minds—which, thankfully, is something that can change. […]

give me some advice, when people surrounded by me , make fun of me, how i can handle this sitation, i also don’t want to leave that gathering, i want to adjust myself in that gathering

Dear Mudassir – in NLP it is said: Map is not the territory! You can change the outer world by changing inner view. It is a matter of developing self confidence by self appreciation. For details, read this post from my blog: https://wisdomfrombooks.wordpress.com/2010/10/24/5-ways-to-increase-self-confidence/

Very well Malik Sb, keep it up

Thanks Usman sb for appreciation – pls spread the word about the blog!

Thank you Sir for educating us. Its discussed that why people got frustrated and all three ways sounds effective. My personal experience says that the second method works the best. Its about understanding other,s personality. As an example given by one of my facilitator a person is owning introvert personality and u force him to do the job of public / motivational speaker it will be same like driving a car with putting up the hand break…
Understanding other person can help resolving many issues and even frustration.

thank you once again sir..Happy Writing

best regards

Thanks Saleem for your comments and appreciation

Thankyou for sharing this article! really helps. But the problem lies with the surrounding atmosphere. I mean its not always possible for a person to relaease his/her anger in the ways mentioned above. It depends on the intensity of the frustration ones facing. Sometimes it becomes really hard to put your self in others shoes and think calmly. And as far as lowering expectations is concerned, thats WAY too hard for a sensitive person like me, to do 🙂 but well…….

I m king in getting frustrated.how could i calm my self

in short we can say;
“Problem is the distance between expected and reality, so, either expect less or accept the reality and the problem is solved”
one thing which is most important to over come frustation is “SELF MOTIVATION”, we should give time to ourselves, at least 5 to 10 minutes daily to analyse our whole day we spent and to plan coming day

I agree with you totally on lowering expectations from others. It’s interesting that during first phase of my life I was quite a normal human being; the natural consequence of which was that I was expecting a lot from many people around me. The result was disappointments and frustration!

In the second phase, I started lowering expectations from others and this is absolutely true that now every man I meet is so nice and sweet, I sometimes feel that I am so blessed with the company of these people! However, as a reality check I tell myself not to expect too much!

One important thing that does wonders in this regard is “slaying or at least taming your ego”. The problem with a good education is that it can sometimes lead a man to thinking a bit too highly of himself. Although on the face of it, it is a healthy thought-process as it leads to higher ambitions and ultimately greater success, but it is a two-edged sword! When someone thinks highly of himself, there is a natural tendency for him to think that he is always right, and that he is intellectually superior to others.

Life for such a man would be something close to hell, and frustration would be a small word to articulate his condition. So, stay away from this feeling of superiority over others, and you’ll do fine. This is the message of great Sufi philosophers.

Frustration can be avoided if try to understand the realities of nature

Conflict results due to clash of thoughts. Just like two hands create noise when they clap, so do they embrace in harmony in a hand shake!

frustration results when there’s no understanding … i just experienced it – though it was due to misunderstandings on the part of all three parties… each implying to see their view…! Because the third party was not impartial or neutral, it sided with the 2 nd party. I didn’t have a heart big enough to make them both see how the issue can be progressed with our cooperation – more of the first and second party concerned, so it rather disturbed me than ease me. So I let go of the issue and the related parties.

I remember a saying: If the beginning is not successful, end may not be successful.
And that: a work started in right direction is half done.

to control frustation is very difficult it is natural.

So true papa but there are ways to remain calm and cool 🙂

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