Conflicts are positive!!!!
Posted March 13, 2010on:
Conflict is part of our lives and occur frequently. Question is: How to resolve conflicts?
When you think of conflict, what comes to mind?
Fighting? Aggression? Hatred? Fear? Struggles? Battles? Or can you think of conflict positively, as challenge, opportunity, energy, passion, creativity, engagement?
Leaders, teachers, parents, coaches—everybody engaged in dealing with other people must learn to like handling conflict. For many people, it is a shock to think that conflicts are positive and one should ‘like’ to deal with conflicts!
Conflict can be defined as a difference between two or more persons or groups characterized by tension, disagreement, and polarization when bonding is broken or completely lacking. At the root of all conflict is broken bonding and failure to handle loss.
Put the fish on the table:
Each time we eat a fish dinner, someone has had to clean and prepare that fish. If you leave a fish under the table, it starts to rot and smell.
Unfortunately, many people leave a lot of fish—conflicts and issues—under their table. They do not face the discord, hoping it will vanish. However, leaving the fish under the table not only does not remove the conflict but also makes the odor worse and worse. What every person needs to do is reach under the table, grab the fish, put it on the table, and go through the mess of cleaning the fish (the conflict) to have a great fish dinner (the solution) at the end of the day. Now, it is true that sometimes we may reach under the table and find a shark or a whale!!!
So we must be aware of the size of the conflict in order to handle it properly. Putting the fish on the table does not mean to be aggressive and hostile.
The resolution of conflict comes through creating and maintaining a bond with the other person irrespective of differences and of any dislike of the person. We do not have to like someone to form a bond with him or her. We only need a common goal.
Another secret of successful conflict resolution is the ability to continually maintain the bond and to re-bond when a bond is broken too quickly for whatever reason. Taking a positive approach to conflict involves understanding that bonding is fundamental to any resolution. Here is the suggestion from the book by the author on conflict resolution:
1. Never create an enemy
2. The person is never a problem. Focus on issue; not on the person to ensure a resolution.
3. Maintain a sincere desire to help the other person get what he or she wants or needs.
4. Never be hijacked by attacks and intense emotions. Never take aggressive words or actions personally. Keep your thoughts clear and never lose sight of the goal.
Here is a nice picture I found on team work…..
What do you think about conflict resolution? You may share your ideas by providing your comments.